I remember when I had a full closet of new clothes to wear. Back when I was able to spend an uninterrupted hour getting ready for my nice business job. And how exercise was scheduled right into my daily routine. I drove a nice little car back then too. It was a great season of life. It came after I had been home for many years with the three older boys. I loved feeling like I had purpose. I loved having money and I loved having some time for myself. I got starbucks during my lunch break and went tanning if I wanted to.
I like to forget about how it also came with a price. I remember feeling drained at the end of the day, feeling like I never was able to spend quality time with my boys and how much I had to cherish the weekends. It was bitter-sweet. After 4 years of feeling like I was married to my job, I began to bargain with God.
“Oh God, will you please let me stay home again with our soon-to-be born son”. God, your word says that if I delight in you, that you will give me the desires of my heart and it is my hearts desire to be home again”.
Baby boy was born on my 33rd birthday and the Lord granted my plea. I lavished those first few months home with our sweet child and tried to sign up for every school activity that I could for our older boys. I loved being home. My heart was merry again.
It has been almost 4 years now. I can’t believe that this fall, I’ll be signing our little boy up for preschool while scheduling senior pictures for our oldest.
Today, I began to ponder what life will be like for me in a few years. The thought of having some free-time and maybe even another job brought me some joy.
The thing is – if I’m looking for “something” or “someone” to bring me fulfillment or purpose, I will always feel empty. Things in life are always temporary. Seasons come and seasons go. What I love about my life today, I may not always feel the same about tomorrow.
My anchor. My hope . My security. My purpose.
Must always be found in Him.
Proverbs 19:21 “Many plans are in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.”