Last night, I put together the pack n play for baby Jude. He has been sleeping in his crib for the last few months, which is in the room that he shares with his brother Keegan. After four months now of interrupted sleep for us all, I thought it was “time”. Time to let him cry out in the night. For the last few weeks, his routine has gotten worse and worse. Instead of sleeping longer stretches in the night, he has been waking up more frequently. He just loves that time with me I suppose.
I know what needs to be done, (I have 4 other children). I know that I’m going to have to teach him that he can make it through the night without me. The only way to do that is by letting him cry.
So I spent part of the day yesterday arranging a little room for him in our vestibule. My mother in law recommended it before he was even born. (It is where my husband slept when he was a little boy so he wouldn’t wake up his older sister).
I had him take his naps there yesterday hoping that it would be a bit familiar to him once he went to bed at night. I also gave him a nice bowl of rice cereal to fill his belly.
He laid down just fine. But the crying began at 1:30 and went until 3:30. I got up over and over to give him his pacifier and to cover him up and tell him its okay. My heart ached as he cried out. I hated it! Little did he know how much it was hurting my heart to let him cry or that I was in the room with him just sitting on the couch.
During those hours, God was speaking to me. He reminded me that I can be like a little baby crying out at times too. I become more and more agitated as He doesn’t come to my beckoning cry. I think I know what I need and that He should just listen to me. So at times in my walk with Him, He has to just let me cry it out because I don’t always need what I think I do.
I’ve learned by now with my other babies that it only takes a few nights to break the habit and the longer you wait the harder it is.
I pray that I learn the lesson along with my newborn son during this season of my life.
I’m so thankful for a loving God who is sitting right beside me hurting with me when life is tough.