what if

This is how I always knew life was supposed to be But for some reason it just could never get there.

I always desired to be thought of and somehow it left me aching. I wanted to enjoy new seasons approaching but as time grew closer, I learned to hold on tight. I knew I was capable of giving so much but I felt how much it cost every time. I continued to dream….
I sit here in a dream tonight. Totally blown away that this is my life. I was sitting at starbucks today looking at a little flyer advertising the Holland Tulip Festival and it made me smile. Only I will understand what it meant to me. I think maybe the “average” girl would go on taking this life that I call a dream for granted. I won’t, I refuse. I am so Blessed. Thank you.

On August 13th, 2007, I was alone at my house (another lonely night without my children) and I began to cry out to God to release the loneliness that I had been experiencing for so long… I BEGGED Him! I wrote down these words:

GOD, I beg you to take this loneliness that I feel, This desire to be wanted and truly loved. I turn to you

I taped that card to my wall filled with so many other verses and words that God had brought to me during my
journey of divorce. And then I sat down and wrote out a list of what I knew I was looking for and needed and placed it in my Bible, trusting in Him.

I fell asleep peacefully that night.

It was the next weekend that Mr. Eric Bruce Wagenmaker and I would cross paths again. He asked me to go get some coffee. Seven months later, and I have still have goosebumps. (#19 on my list).

I’m not the average girl.

I have a reason to SMILE

6 thoughts on “what if

  1. I have a smile on my face too when I look at what God has done in your life. You certainly are not the average girl and I pray and hope for nothing but the best for you. I pray will continue to bless you abundantly in all you do.

  2. Jenny, I drive past your Lakeside/Glenside on my way to Plumb’s every so often and think of you, wondering how you are doing. I am sorry to hear of your divorce. May the new love and life you have found bring you happiness. Remember, though, that the ONLY thing that can bring TRUE happiness and the ONLY thing that can truly LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY is God. Hold tight to that truth and you will be ok.

  3. Pure Craziness. God is so AWESOME! I too had a similar experience over 6 yrs. ago. I was tired of the loneliness and the crying and the desperation (age 26 and had never dated anyone),and I cried out to my Father and told him as such. The very next day I met a my David. And of course, as only God can, he was everything plus more on the list of “what I wants”. I know he’s not perfect, far from it, but he and I complete eachother like no one else can. I’m so happy for you guys!

  4. Don’t forget the person that hooked you both up either. I knew deep in my heart that Eric was the one for you. I remember talking to him for hours at our house the night before you both went out. He had such a love for Christ that showed so much that night. I just knew that God may have had the same idea I did that night. I am so happy for both of you. I like that you both put CHRIST first.

  5. Isn’t crazy how God picks the most perfect time to bring that special someone into your life. If Tony hadn’t of been there when he was I have no idea what would’ve happened to me with the track that I was on. We were actually supposed to meet previous to that, but God knew that it wasn’t the right time. Now here we are almost 8 years later and still going strong! Good Luck girl 🙂

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